Harry Potter and the Dungeons and Dragons game
by Crystal56
Summary: Yep, the HP crew is going to tackle, Dungeons and Dragons. The rating may change, due to insanity, slight drunkeness, and the occasionally exploding dice...complete
1. Default Chapter

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter nor do I own Dungeons and Dragons...  
  
A/N: This is what I get for surfing the internet too much, seeking out stupid ideas for stupid stories and make people laugh, although isn't that a good thing?  
  
Harry Potter and the game of Dungeons and Dragons  
  
"Make sure the rules are near you oh great dungeon leader!" Ron said, bowing mockingly.  
"You know, kissing up to me can get you better stuff," Harry muttered as he picked through the scrolls and parchment pieces, organizing for his duty of Dungeon Master (if that was what it was called at all) and everyone else seemed to be arguing over who was going to play who. Of course, the only place that they found privacy was in an empty classroom, which Hermione had locked tight and charmed so only those playing or wanting to play could get in and out.  
"YOU CAN'T BE A FEMALE ELF!" Hermione shouted at Draco, "I'm the female elf, besides, you are a guy."  
"BUT THE SPELLS THAT THE FEMALE ELF HAS..." he began.  
"It doesn't make any difference, I'm the female elf..." she interrupted, followed by a more than evil eye glare at Draco.  
"We can still be twins in this game, right?" Fred asked Harry.  
"No, but you two can be partners..." he replied, "Although everyone works together unless they get turned evil..."  
"Can we start off evil?" George asked.  
"NO!" Harry replied loudly, "Can we get organized here and just pick who is who?"  
  
"Well, I'm gonna be a green wizard," Ginny said firmly.  
"Ginny, we said you can watch, but we never said you could play," Hermione said kindly, "I mean, we have a lot of people trying to play as it is..."  
"And that is why we might just have to get two games going at one time. I hope you remembered to bring another game," Cho said.  
"Wait, you didn't bring the game, why are you here?" Harry asked, "I brought the game and yes, I brought a second one too..."  
"Well, can I get in on the second game?" she asked, "I know how to play..."  
"BLOODY HELL!" Ron yelled from across the room.  
"WHAT?" everyone asked, turning to look at him. Ron was staring intently at one piece of parchment.  
"These spells are bloody awesome! How come we don't learn these at Hogwarts? I definitely want to cast Magic Missile!" he said, pointing to something on the sheet op parchment he held.  
"We don't learn them because they don't exist!" Harry exclaimed and grabbed the parchment away from Ron, "And you didn't even chose to be anything that could use magic in this game anyways, so why do you care?"  
"Can we get drunk in this game? I see a tavern..." Fred said, staring at the map that was laid out in front of him.  
"Yes, yes you can..." Harry said exasperated, "But... like all other things, it depends on the roll of the die."  
"I like die, don't you Fred? We sell some at our shop, they explode whenever you roll a one," George said, "But we haven't figured out what to do to put them back together yet, not to mention what happens if you roll a 2,3,4,5, or a 6!"  
"We were thinking of bigger explosions," Fred began.  
"But then we decided it would get old fast," George finished.  
"CHOOSE YOUR OWN CHARACTERS AND WHO YOU WANT TO SIT WITH AND IF WE START NOW WE CAN GET MAYBE TO THE FIRST DUNGEON BEFORE I LOOSE MY MIND!" Harry shouted, "And Cho, would you consider being Dungeon master for the second game, I mean, you did say you knew how to play, right?"  
"Sure Harry," Cho said and blushed, "So that means I get everyone to love me or I kick them out or mess them up, right?"  
"You know how to play, but you haven't played Dungeon master before, have you?" Harry asked, "C'mon over here, I'll tell you the rules..." Harry guided Cho to a corner and whispered in her ear.  
"Oh, I get it!" she exclaimed, "Okay, let's go!"  
"Finally, someone's ready," Harry muttered.  
"I wanna cast, Magic Missile!" Ron yelled as he sat down.  
"You don't use magic, you're not even in a dungeon yet and we haven't even begun!" Harry cried.  
"Then... can I cast..."  
"NO!" Harry screamed, "EVERYONE, CHOOSE YOUR CHARACTERS, SIT DOWN AND SHUT IT!"  
"Fine, fine, Hermione, I'm going to the second game, there! Now we both can be female elves!" Draco said. Hermione pulled out her wand and Draco took a step back.  
"No, you aren't a cross dresser here, are you?" she asked.  
"No..." he squeaked.  
"So why be one in the game?" she asked.  
"Why can't I?" he asked, begging for mercy.  
"You toad, if I turn evil I'm going to come over to the second game and kick your wimpy elf arse!" she said and sat down at the first table. Harry felt himself sigh heavily, those two, when it came to character choices, ever since he first announced that he would be willing to play D and D they couldn't stop arguing over that one character, and both never even asked if there were two female elf positions... which there were, but one... urgh...never mind...  
  
The two simultaneous games were set up then as thus: Harry was the Dungeon Master of the first game, Fred, George, Ron and Hermione were playing on this table. Cho was the Dungeon Master of the second game, with Draco, Ginny, and Neville, who had remained silent throughout the arguments, at the second table. Harry sighed heavily and plopped into his chair. This was going to be very interesting, he wondered what else would go wrong in that day, especially with Fred and George talking about the Tavern...  
  
TBC (should it be?)  
  
A/N: Want me to continue? Maybe I will, just so you can see how stupid this is and the lack of D and D knowledge I have. I really don't know much about the game, I'm going off of inspiration I found in a really stupid video I saw somewhere... so, if you want me to continue, and you can offer any help, I'd be appreciative, or else I'll just botch it horribly and you can't flame me saying I don't know what I'm doing, because I forewarned you...and asked for help...  
  
And any and all flames will be used to roast marshmallows! So, read and review! 


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter nor do I own Dungeons and Dragons!

A/N: I'm cutting this short to about two chapters just because I need to get stuff off my chest and finish things but don't worry, this chapter is based off of the 8-bit productions skit (don't own that either) so it will be very hilarious!

And just so you know, the world is made up of dialogue. That's how it has been and that's how it will be!

**Harry Potter and the Dungeons and Dragons Game**

Harry didn't like being the dungeon master for his table…not one bit.

"Ron, you didn't get all the components for your spells, you can't cast magic missile," Harry said, "And furthermore, what would you cast it at?"

"Can I get the components and then cast it now?" Ron asked.

"No, not while you're in a Dungeon, I won't allow it," Harry muttered.

"Bloody hell, now what am I going to do?" Rona asked, "I waited forever to cast it and now I CAN'T!"

"So Harry, we're in the Tavern now, can we roll?" Fred asked excitedly, warming a dice in his hands.

"Ron, there are other spells, and you have nothing to cast a missile at anyways so why bother?" Harry asked.

"I wanna cast it!" he exclaimed.

"Calm down Ron," Hermione said, "Hey Harry, do I roll now to see if I meet up with Ron?"

"Yes," Harry said and Hermione rolled her dice. She rolled and was able to go and meet up with Ron in the dungeon.

"Hey, where'd you put the chocolate?" Ginny asked as she was rummaging through the snacks they had brought with them.

"It's in there somewhere," Harry said.

"Harry, stop ignoring us, we want to get drunk!" George said.

"Where's the butter beer?" Cho asked, joining Ginny by the snacks.

"I thought it was in a case," Draco said, "Longbottem you got some nerve attacking me now! It was just a spell that turned me evil; I didn't do it on purpose!"

"What's wrong now?" Cho asked gently, returning to her table with a butter beer in one hand and a piece of chocolate in the other, which she popped into her mouth.

"I'm attacking Malfoy, it's legal, right?" Neville asked.

"It is…" Cho said, "Well, then let's sort out this battle."  
"No fair! I changed due to a spell, it wasn't my fault!" Draco exclaimed.

"Hey, Harry, what about us? We want to get drunk!" George said.

"Let us roll!" Fred exclaimed.

"Fine, roll to see if you do!" Harry said tiredly, "Roll the dice!" Fred and George clinked their butter beer bottles together as they rolled their dice. The dice rolled across the table and landed.  
"So…what's the result?" Fred asked.

"Can we start drinking?" George asked.

"…" Harry glanced at the di, "Yes you can…" The cheers emanating from the two boys were loud. Fred ran to grab a bag of chips from the snack pile as George drank down his entire bottle of butter beer and ran to grab a new one. Harry was worried they'd pull out real beer and start drinking in real life.

"So…what can I cast if I can't cast Magic Missile?" Ron asked, looking over the sheet.

"Hey, I think you have leftover parts for that light spell…" Hermione said, trying to help, "You know, the one you cast yesterday to get us through the forest."

"Yeah, of course you and I were the only ones getting through the forest, Dumb and Dumber over here preferred to stay in the tavern," Ron said.

"We couldn't at first," George said, coming back with a new butter beer, "We had to do a few little adventures to get money for the tavern…and then one big one that got us a whole lot of gold!"

"We can get drunk for five days without worry!" Fred said coming back with a bag of chips, "Hey Harry, are there women in the tavern today?"

"There weren't any yesterday and I don't think Hermione is going to go there today… she's trying to adventure!" Harry said.

"That's right," Hermione agreed.

"Oh, by the way, you're being attacked," Harry said.

"Bloody hell, by what?" Ron asked, "It's not like I'm much of any use…"  
"Ogres," Harry said, "A few of them…about five."

"Ron, I don't know if we can take them all…" Hermione said, "I mean, I think we could but we'd be out of a lot of power and such…"

"Hey, George and I got some good armor today…and a few weapons…lemme check," Fred said.

"Hey, one of them helps against ogres!" George said, "Fred, we have everything we'd ever need…booze, snacks and the tavern…ah, this is the life."

"Yep," Fred agreed.

"These two are driving me nuts!" Harry said.

"Ron, how are we going to deal with this? I don't want my character to die!" Hermione exclaimed.

"There has to be something we can do," Ron said as he looked over a list of his spells, "I got nothing!"

"There has to be something Ron, here, let me see…" Hermione said and took the list from Ron, "How about this one?"

"So…are there any girls here?" Fred asked, "In the tavern I mean, are there any girls?"

"…" Harry said nothing; he merely twitched as he watched what was going on. At least Cho seemed to be in control of her game.

"So…how drunk do you think we are today?" George asked.

"We're sleeping just outside the bar again bro!" Fred exclaimed, "Like we did last time."

"I'm going to kill myself…a straight game of Dungeons and Dragons…I should never have expected a normal game," Harry muttered to himself.

"Wait, Ron, use this to increase my attack!" Hermione said, "I think you can do this…"

"Hey, maybe I can, hey Harry, can I do this?" Ron asked and Harry looked up, raising his head which had been buried in his hands and groaned. He didn't feel so good.

"Lemme see Ron," Harry said and took the sheet of paper and looked to where he pointed, "Yeah, yeah, you never used it before but you do have the components."

"Yay thanks Cho!" Ginny yelled from the table, "I just got a really cool weapon."

"What did you do?" Harry asked, glancing over at the game, "Did you bribe the dungeon master?"

"I didn't do anything…" Ginny said, looking worried, "Was I supposed to?"

"Normally when you want something you bribe the dungeon master," Harry said.

"I gave her a good weapon because she's the only one here not fighting another player and acting like a fool," Cho said and smiled. Harry found himself grinning back.

"That's good then," he replied, "Now Ron, what spell was it again?"

"This one!" Ron exclaimed, "The power-up spell for weaponry!"

"Ah, right, well, here's the dice let's see what you get," Harry said and Ron rolled.

"Woo hoo! High roll wins!" Ron said, "There you go Hermione, we got a good shot here now."

"I know, now we can attack these ogres," she agreed, "Let me roll for attacking."

"Hey Harry, you still didn't tell us if there were any girls in the tavern," George said.

"I forgot, do we need to roll for that?" Fred asked his twin.

"I don't remember, do we?" George asked back.

"I won't say," Harry muttered and once again buried his face in his hands.

"Fine Longbottem, I'm dead now, you happy?" Draco asked from the other game.

"Extremely," Neville replied, happy with the results.

"Calm down both of you," Cho said, "Draco its fine you'll just be back at level one."

"This isn't a fun game anymore; I swear I'm going to kill you Longbottem!" Draco said and waved a fist.

"It pleases me greatly to know I'm better than you in this at least," Neville replied.

"I never said I would kill you in the game…" Draco said threateningly.

"Threaten again and I won't let you be a female character anymore!" Cho said, "And yes, I can do that!"

Draco muttered under his breath, trying to regain control. Cho smiled and continued on with watching what Ginny was planning on doing and watched Neville sort out his things, apparently having the pleasure of taking his choice of spoils from Draco now that he was dead. The only thing he avoided was the item that made Draco evil to begin with, which was something Neville planned to avoid…he didn't want Draco seeking revenge.

"Harry, can we roll to get girls in the tavern or can't we?" George asked.

"I'm trying to battle, you wouldn't see me dead in a tavern," Hermione said in a huff.

"We're not asking for you," Fred said, "Any girl would do fine."

"You can't roll for girls to come to a tavern," Harry said in a more than an annoyed voice. He was about ready to yell at them. He had been putting up with this ever since they earned enough money to drink for a couple of days in a row.

"C'mon, why can't we?" George asked in a pouting voice.

"Harry mate, we're in the middle of a battle," Ron said, "We are going to start rolling for attacks…"

"Ignore them, they obviously don't want to have fun," Fred said.

"Shut up," Harry said, his entire body seeming to twitch with small amounts of rage and anger.

"Harry!"

"C'mon Harry!"

"Harry, are you all right?"

"SHUT UP ALL OF YOU!" Harry exclaimed, "GAH! I can't take it anymore! Fred, George, there are no women in the tavern nor can you roll for them. Hermione and Ron, roll your own damn dice. I've had it being the dungeon master! I'm going to bed! I QUIT!" He yelled this quite loudly and the room fell silent. All eyes were on him as he stood up; calmly set down the papers he had been looking at and moved towards the door.

"Harry?" Hermione asked cautiously.

"I give up! Didn't you hear me? I QUIT! I can't take it anymore! You guys are impossible at this!" Harry exclaimed and rushed out the door, shutting it hard behind him. Everyone remained silent for a time, looking at one another with confused glances.

"Did we do something wrong?" Ron asked and Hermione smacked him lightly upside the head, "What was that for?"  
"I think we did…" Fred began.

"But then again, I think we didn't," George finished.

"So does this mean he isn't coming back?" Hermione asked, "Is the game over?"

"I don't know," Cho said, coming over, "Tell you what, let's combine the tables and continue playing. I think we'll be able to do a big game so long as everyone behaves."

"Let's just hope Harry is in a better mood tomorrow," George said.

"Yeah, I wonder what's gotten into him," Fred said, "He was acting totally unreasonable."  
"Not to mention very annoying," George said. Everyone combined the games together and Cho became the dungeon master for both.

"Now let's see…where did everyone leave off?" Cho asked.

The game continued, Harry long forgotten. An important lesson was learned that day, by making Harry mad. What it was, no one could figure out, but they assumed they had learned something, right?

**_THE END_**

**A/N: A little abrupt but I needed to finish off another story before I could start more. That way my conscious is clear in finishing things off… But don't worry; I'll do a different, funnier HP story when I finish off some other things as well. I know it sucked but please review anyways, just don't flame! PLEASE! Anyways, yeah, thanks for reading this the few that did. I don't know much about the game…I would love to learn to play though. I hope I do someday; it's like my dream… Anyways, I've talked enough. Thanks for listening to me!**


End file.
